My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
