im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
