pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
