fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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