Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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