I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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