you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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