I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize