Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
