So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
