I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
