They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i think my tv is drunk
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
