you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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