just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
