dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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