I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
