She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize