Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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