filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
