he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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