I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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