How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
