alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
