Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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