Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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