That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
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I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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