the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
