Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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