I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
