I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
