If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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