Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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