im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
