I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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