I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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