I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Couch. On fire.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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