Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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