Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
