He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize