So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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