Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i love accidental penises.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
should my penis look like a turkey
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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