Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think people are normalizing furries
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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