we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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