apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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