i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
