My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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