Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
