I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
