I wannas sexs uuuuu
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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