That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
