I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
