is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
