party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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