i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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