Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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