I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
