When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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