I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
