Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
