I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
