Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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