Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
