How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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