I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
