i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
