"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
