It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
