im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
