batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
