U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
