Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
