Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
