I wish I could teleport
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
