there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
