margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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