we're blogging at a bar
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
