I want to walk on stilts...naked
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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