Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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