for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My bed smells like the plague
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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