Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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