Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.