All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.