oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.