when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.