Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
