Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"

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(512): View more from Texas

I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(304): View more from West Virginia

I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me

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(217): View more from Illinois

Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way

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(773): View more from Illinois

ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.

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