I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.