I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.