You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
